Authorizing Myself to Be My Own Producer


“You are the only person who truly decides who you are…We spend so much of our lives waiting for others to qualify us. Authorize yourself. Step into your power right now; give yourself your own credentials, and you be the one who qualifies who you are. Why not? Nobody knows you better than you do.”

-Cleo Wade (excerpt from ‘Heart Talk’)

I don’t create music because I’m passionate about it. To me, passion infers that I have this burning feeling and that I always enjoy doing this (I could be totally wrong about that definition, but this is how I feel. I have a strange relationship with the word ‘passion’). I‘m not passionate about music.

Music, to me, is like breathing. There’s no emotion attached to breathing; I do it because it’s a fact of my existence. For me, music is exactly the same. My songs are simply a fact of my existence and it’s a necessary part of my being in this world.

What I am passionate about is the message of my songs, and what effect I want to have. I’m passionate about having a conversation with our own emotions instead of running from them.  I’m passionate about getting to the root of our own mess and healing it. Healing ourselves. Healing each other. Healing this world.

Healing is the mission.

For years now, I’ve been songwriting with my guitar, waiting for a producer to magically appear and make these songs more than they are. And while producers have shown up in my life, something has never felt quite right. Somehow, I expected someone else to be clear about what I wanted in my music, when I myself wasn’t clear. Or at least, I did know what I wanted but I was too afraid of my own self to articulate it. And then when I was able to articulate it, I realized it wasn’t “what the industry wants”.

B4553074-83FA-495F-9561-7D9CD242EFD6Hearing the quote “start where you are, with what you have, to do what you can”, I realized that my music, for now, and its sound, is something that I need to take full control and ownership of. What did I have? No money to buy fancy producing software but I did have Garageband, a free software that came preinstalled on my iPad. My partner believes in me and gifted me a microphone for my birthday. I was unemployed and had nothing but time. The signs were telling me to just get my ish together and do it. So I did. I became my own producer.

Experimenting with music production has opened my mind to possibilities that I wouldn’t otherwise have if I had left it in someone else’s hands. It has been an opportunity to expand my creative and spiritual process. It’s pretty strange for me to say this publicly, but at every step of the way the songs I work on have been a collaboration with my soul. I make tweaks and changes based on how my body feels, and whether my spirit lights up when hearing a particular arrangement. I’m honestly so proud of myself because for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m taking complete ownership. And it feels powerful.

It also feels fragile, which is why I haven’t yet let anyone help me just yet.

I don’t know where this production journey will take me, but I’m aiming to continue claiming my power and my voice.

Do the thing that your inner-self, your soul, calls you to do. It’s totally worth it.



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