Voiceless

I’ll be honest. This project is Spirit led. I don’t have any songs or written posts planned—I just write or record as I am convicted. Rise was written a few weeks before the inception of this project, and it felt like a strong first entry. Enough is very heartfelt and is one of my oldest songs. And the next one that I feel compelled to share is Voiceless.

Like every song that has come through me, it’s heartfelt and emotional. It was written weeks after the end of my sabbatical last summer, as an outlet for my post-grad turmoil. I had made a decision to move to Trinidad, to start law school and to live with my family. It was a happily made decision, as my sabbatical had given me experiences that made me want to turn to law. However, in the beginning stages of transition, I quickly found myself disoriented and conflicted, comparing myself to my fellow new alumni who all seemed to “have it together.” I was supposed to be happy with my decision, the decision that I’d felt convicted to make. And yet, I felt so unsatisfied.

It made me question: “what gives me satisfaction?” Some would say alcohol. Others would suggest some form of self-harm. My Christian beliefs would tell me “Jesus”, but a wider response in that vein would be “spirituality” or faith in a supreme being. The song doesn’t offer what the satisfaction is, but it does state that they will find satisfaction and that it will be better than anything potentially self-destructive.

It’s also a reminder. That how I feel does not translate to what is. Thus, even if I may be feeling helpless or worthless or voiceless, I’m actually not. And sometimes it helps to chant that over and over again.

 

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